012 DIVORCE. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS. MYTHS BUSTED.

Antonia Felix is a Partner in the Family Law team at renowned law firm Mishcon de Reya. Antonia was named by Citywealth as one of the top 100 private client lawyers in 2021.

Does divorce always mean the end of family bonds? Do you need a reason to get divorced? Will divorce ruin your financial future? Dealing with financial abuse in a relationship.

Lisa Conway-Hughes is a Chartered Financial Advisor, a Fellow of the Personal Finance Society and is founder of LCH/Wealth.

Book a one-to-one Financial Diagnosis with LCH/Wealth here:
https://lchwealth.co.uk/lch_wealth_services/

Lisa regularly posts financial information, education and updates on her hugely popular Instagram account:
https://www.instagram.com/misslollymoney

This content is to be used for information and educational purposes only and nothing contained in it is or is intended to be construed as individual financial advice. Financial advice must only be given on an individual basis. If you require legal advice, financial advice or any other expert assistance, you should seek the services of a competent and qualified professional. 

Show Transcript

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Welcome to today’s show. We’re busting divorce myths today, and we’ve got Antonia from Michcon de Reya. Antonia is a partner at Michcon, and they’re a firm, very, very famous for looking after Princess Diana in her divorce. So welcome again and thank you for your time.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: So a stat caught my eye and I just wanted to break it down with you and understand why actually. So in 2022 we had the lowest amount of divorces since 1971, almost 30% decrease from the year before. And I was like, that can’t be right. I was thinking, is that because loads of people just fell out during Covid and then they’d already done the divorce thing. And some people believe it’s because of this Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act that came out in 2022.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: What does it mean? And could it be possibly the reason?

Antonia Felix: Yes, I think people heard or were told if you wait, you won’t have to do a reason like adultery or two-year separation for the divorce. It’s just going to be your relationship’s broken down. And I think people wanted to wait until they could divorce someone for that reason. Not the old-fashioned way. So I think it was definitely that. I also think fewer people are getting married. So I think the stats reflect that in terms of the amount of divorces. But certainly in 2022, it was because people were wanting to use the portal and do the new route for divorce.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: So this is a no fault?

Antonia Felix: Exactly that.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Yeah. Is that what you call it in your industry?

Antonia Felix: Yeah. So the grounds are that your relationship has irretrievably broken down, and then you provide some information for your divorce petition, but there’s no blame. There’s no “we’ve been separated”, “one of us committed adultery” or “I’ve been deserted”. Those sort of five reasons before. So it’s meant to take the sting out of the early stages because no one’s blaming the other party.

Antonia Felix: And then you have to wait. Yes. And then you wait 20 weeks for this cooling-off period before you can then go to the next stage of the divorce.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Okay. So I suppose people were — if you were going to divorce in January, you’d wait till the April family came in. And then even if you did get into April, you weren’t concluding it until the end of the year anyway.

Antonia Felix: Exactly. And I think the old way of doing it was possibly the same length of time. So you don’t save any time. It’s just you’re able to do a joint application, which you couldn’t do before, where you would both be the petitioner, or a sole application. But yes, it’s just the no-blame thing I think people were waiting for.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Okay, so in preparation for today, I have to say I just put into Copilot “top five UK divorce myths”. Okay, so let’s get your file out. Okay. So the first one, it says that UK individuals believe that divorce always means the end of family bonds.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: I mean, I think that’s the bleak version, isn’t it? But that’s not the reality. You don’t see it in your day to day.

Antonia Felix: And I think if you’ve got the right professionals, that’s exactly what you want to avoid. I mean, my role as a family solicitor is to leave my client and their family in a better position than when they first come to me. So I would be really sad if that was the case. I think in reality there’s of course the old family relationship that breaks down. Possibly it was going to anyway, because there is a conflict, isn’t there? Yeah. But generally, if it’s done correctly and you’ve got the right sort of support, whether that’s therapeutic support, etc., it shouldn’t be the end.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: And is it also about you negotiating an outcome of things that they may not even be thinking about, like child arrangements that could cause rows?

Antonia Felix: Exactly. And actually, you know, children are really resilient. And if they’re looked after and loved by both parents, then if they’re supported, it should be the beginning of a new chapter as opposed to the end of a bond. But if you watch things like The Split, they’re always going to create the worst-case scenarios for people. But it makes better TV shows.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Yeah. The second one is that divorce is always lengthy. Now I have a client who, for the best part of seven years, is civil single husband. Yeah, they were living separately or together. It was always changing. It was about to come to the end and then they got back together. Does it have to be seven years?

Antonia Felix: No, it doesn’t. I mean, it has to be in order to be divorced about six or seven months to be formally divorced. And if you go to the fully contentious divorce financial proceedings where you go to a final hearing and you don’t settle at all during that process — and very few cases do that, about 95% of cases settle before a final hearing — then it could be 18 months to two years. But generally it should be under a year, and far less than that if you can negotiate an agreement with each other and use the non-court dispute resolution options like mediation and collaborative law.

Antonia Felix: But yeah, I think worst-case scenario, there’s the odd case where people go on and on and on, perhaps in very extreme circumstances.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: And what are the little things that I can do as an individual to make it shorter? Like being organized?

Antonia Felix: Yes, being organized. And I would say knowledge is power. So ask lots of questions, speak to lots of different people, and plan and work out what you want. And say that when you’re negotiating or when you’re asking for something, you know why you want it or need it. So it’s things like pensions, taking pension advice. It’s things like, what do I need? What do I spend every month? What do I need to meet that? Do I need to get a job? Do I need to think about getting a mortgage? Where do I want to live? And if you can do things like that, as you say, be organized and have that information, it will make everything a lot easier.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Okay. Number three is you need to have a reason to get divorced. So we’ve covered that before.

Antonia Felix: Yes. I mean, look, there’s always going to be people who don’t want to get divorced. One party is not necessarily going to want to be in the process, but fortunately you don’t have to be married to someone if you don’t want to be now in 2025. So yeah, the process is always going to go along without you, even if you don’t want to get divorced.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: And what happens if me and my husband were to get divorced, he’d be very laid back and nice about it, and I’d probably be the bad one. Well, what would happen then if I said I want to be at fault and he said no, we’re going to use the new rules?

Antonia Felix: You have to now use the new rules. He could be a bit difficult and delay and not log on and acknowledge service, but there’s always a process by which you can say to the court, as the applicant, I’ve served on him, I know he’s received it, please can we carry on? It might slow things down by a few weeks, maybe a few months, but it’s going to continue.

Antonia Felix: You can also ask someone not to apply for the final divorce order until you’ve got all the finances sorted. The reason why people do that is because if someone dies during the divorce process, you’re more protected as a widow than as a divorcee because of pension rights and insurance policies. So generally you tend not to finalise the divorce until finances are sorted.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Number four, divorce will ruin your financial future.

Antonia Felix: I think it feels like that for some, doesn’t it? If you’re the financially stronger party, you often feel like you’re on the back foot. But when you’re married, everything is joint. I think it’s about changing the narrative and educating people early. For many, if you get a lump sum, you’re financially free and can make your own decisions. For the weaker financial party, you’ll need advice on investing, but it’s a fresh start.

Antonia Felix: It isn’t always as bad as it feels. Yes, you go from funding two people to one, but it doesn’t literally double the costs — usually it’s about 60–65%. With good planning, you can manage it.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: And taking a side step, but sticking on topic slightly, when I did a survey in 2020, people talked about financial abuse. And I imagine in some divorces, that’s when it really happens. What can someone do if they’re in that situation, especially if not married?

Antonia Felix: Sometimes it’s hard because you don’t even know there’s financial abuse until you come out of the relationship. You need professional support, whether from financial advisers or solicitors, to help set out the facts. If you’re not married, your claims are limited unless you have children, so education is key.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: There’s a lady I helped last year, not married, splitting with her partner. He’s paying for a house until the kids are 21, then she loses it. That’s scary.

Antonia Felix: Yes. A lot of people don’t realise that can happen. Thankfully she has you to help her plan. But yes, that partner isn’t obliged to continue beyond that period. Some do voluntarily, but many don’t. Others can be left in the lurch.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: And if you’re being financially abused in the divorce process, what happens?

Antonia Felix: You can apply for interim funding (pending suit), which gives you money to live on and sometimes legal fees too. But proving abuse can be difficult. Individually things might not sound bad, but in context it’s huge. That’s why solicitors are important, to set it out clearly.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: So, let’s turn it to a positive topic. Does it always have to be contentious?

Antonia Felix: No, it doesn’t. It’s about mindset. If both agree to be amicable and not sweat the small stuff, it can be relatively painless. Financial advisers also help set out what someone needs to walk away with, which can resolve disputes. Ultimately, people just want to know they’ll be okay — and if they know that, negotiations are easier.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Exactly. It’s about knowledge and understanding, so you’re negotiating from clarity, not fear.

Antonia Felix: Yes. And in the best outcomes, both compromise a bit and feel relatively okay with it.

Lisa Conway-Hughes: Well, as always, thank you. And I’m sure everybody has found that so useful.

Antonia Felix: Thanks for having me.